Dead time

 I had a really hard time trying to find a title for this post.

My friend and I were talking about preplanning our arrangements.  We both want to be sent right to cremation, no bells or whistles, no ceremony.  We both feel that our loved ones can gather and honor our memory on their own time if they are so inclined.

In the past, people would usually be laid out in their own home, or another family members residence. Friends and family would come pay their respects, then the clergy would say a few words at the grave. When my father passed on we did this at the cemetery and had a wee reception following with friends and family. My parents had purchased their niche and urns well before they were needed.

When my friends mother passed it was the same sort of ceremony. When M. stepmother died suddenly we just came to this house and had a gathering. Bonnie was my dear dear friend, and to take that part of the burden off her family was my honor. Her daughter recently took her ashes to be interred at the family cemetery in very rural area of Quebec.

My late husbands family tradition is for a big production. He had to have a fancy coffin, a viewing (I REALLY put my foot down on that one because he had made his opinion clear on that stuff). He was taken to the church for prayers, words and song, then put in the ground.  He did NOT want this, but I was so grief stricken and not in much of a position to make any sort of decision.  He just wanted to be cremated and sprinkled under the apple tree.

Someone recently said to me that the funerals are for the bereaved. But shouldn't the deceased not be a spectacle if that is their wish?